So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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