i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
