try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
