well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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