So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
