its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
