you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
