One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
