i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
