Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I understand Curling. That high.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
