i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
