its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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