Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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