Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
