hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
That's when you crack a 10am beer
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
