If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
