You smell like a Billy Joel song
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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