it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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