I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
