Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
