ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
