I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
