I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
