Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
