I cannot find my penis.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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