sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
