Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
