who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
