omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
