Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
