wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
