Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
