Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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