Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
