question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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