apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
