What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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