I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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