Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
