u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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