I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
