I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
