Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
