I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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