Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This baby is an asshole
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
