Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
