Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
