Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
