turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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