he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
