anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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